Thursday, April 27, 2006

I’m sorry, Alia.

Dear Ally,

Caveat: I’m not a misanthrope or a misogynist.

It’s lunch time when my hidden lies were discovered by you.

Somehow I’m glad it ends unceremoniously, but to end it in rage while you yourself in a wretched feeling are not what I’m intended. What start as a silly banter between an anonymous lurker and a thoroughbred USJ-nite went as far accepting this pseudonymous entity to her circle of friends. I should had made a stand by then, and retreat back to the netherworld where I came. Yet, that’s beyond my control; the wildfire had started to burn downhill amassing charred ruins in its desolation.

I lose my appetite, half-way through lunch.

I shouldn’t have lied in the first place. And yet, it’s not my intention at all to be in friendship with you. It’s like a gong to your ears. Deafening, no? Then why do I proceed and become the pathetic eunuch I’m? Truth to be told, my aim is not to deride you, or make a fool of you in front of your friends. In fact, I liken myself as a phantom contact of the internet world. Who’s nothing but whatever you label he is.

I want to cry, but I didn’t. I feel sick. And you wish I choke to death.

I’m one year older than Farah, an engineering grad from UK. I’m in the midst of a relationship disaster, and yes, I didn’t do all this mindfuck as revenge to the effeminate counterpart of my gender. Shy? Maybe I’m but I deliberately made me sound like a sadistic masochist who snickered at the sight of a damsel in distress. And all that had been uttered is in parallel of the real world I’m living [pitifully]. I dabble with Salvador Dali’s surrealism and Salman Rushie’s blasphemous fantasist world. Where in fact I should start a journey of Paulo Coelho’s transcendentalism adventure instead of imitating the person I’m not. No, I don’t need a shrink. Freudian chair give me an itch, no matter how comfortable it is.

I know it hurt so much, but no matter what I do, I always be an arse.

I listened to the hypocritical staging that we act upon to this charade: the parasite roommates, the asshole acquaintances, the pet peeves, the work loads and the numbing lethargic world of a student. It hurts me to be the bearer of the phantom antagonist behind the protagonist role that you had entrusted me upon. I’m like a dagger to the spleen. A coward you may call. I’m not proud of it. Bullshit? Yes…whatever.

I lied down on my bed, and dream of alternate reality. It seems my own mind lies to me.

My pathetic attempt of labelling me as a homosexual and a sex deviant didn’t even succeed in letting you go of that amicable trust. I would come up with an honest brutality as simple as the honest truth of this travesty, but not now. All the same, it seemed, all is but a history.

I woke up with tropical sweat. Damnation ought to be the reason of this heat.

In perfect reality, I’m still an introvert. I’m whatever you pigeonholed me. Trust is a fleeting social contract that I distrust. I apologize for all the mindfuck you and your friends had suffered. I would thank you for your honesty and camaraderie; but I guess I’m too selfish for my own good.

I’m sorry, Alia.

Goodbye.

Sincerely yours,

Anally Anonymous Asshole.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Shafiq Effendy is a lonely physics student in Malaya

How-to use probabilty quantification in platonic relationship...before you quit altogether.

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Lonely physics student in Malaya

Shafiq Effendy lives in Lembah Keramat, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. He is lonely. He's a lonely physics student in University of Malaya (whom he touts as one of the best universities in the world). Hubris aside, deep inside he's a forlorn creature with pathological fear of being called infantile.

According to his blog at sharkfish.blog, he's an inviterate loser:

Love, Sensuality and Devotion

After talking to one of my best friends, I realised that love is something that comes naturally. It reallly sounds stupid to me. How can you make something to happen naturally when you try to make things work like crazy? For those of you who do not know, I've been turned down many-many times in my life, and recently I've been turned down last Wednesday. I have never had a true relationship with anyone. Just for the sake putting it on my blog, this is the list of girls that I have approached in my life and I have failed with all of them. They are:
  1. Ida Raihana Masoud
  2. Siti Salbiah Abd Karim
  3. Nur Dhabitah Azman
  4. Noor Hazwani Adibah Ramli
  5. Wan Nurazlina Wan Azmy
It's intentional to put their full name so that when they google their own name, my blog will be on the results page. It's not like people look at my blog, right? So far I am still single. My friend said the reason I failed to be in a relationship with anyone is because I'm not matured. Huh? Not matured? People have been telling me that I'm more matured than my age, now she is telling me that I'm not matured for my age? Not in love and relationship things, she said. Well, it's true. I'm a serious, not-romantic type of person. If it is true that love comes naturally, I'm going to stop my effort of finding the right girl. For now, I don't really enjoy my life, but I'll see how things will work out...
Yahweh! For the love of Jehovah! Get yourself a life, and a mac, and a pr0n DVD, and a bundle of tissues...you filthy geek.